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Editing for Clarity and Concision — Answers

Answer sheet with model answers and success criteria for the Year 10 sentences & clauses worksheet.

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Year 10 · English · Sentences & Clauses

Editing for Clarity and Concision — Answers

Success Tutoring

Part A — Spot the problem

Circle the best answer.

1.Which phrase contains a redundancy?
  1. Aa sudden storm
  2. Bpast history
  3. Ca quiet room
  4. Dan honest answer

Answer: past history

All history is in the past, so 'past' adds nothing. Other common redundancies: 'free gift', 'end result', 'completely finished'.

2.The best one-word replacement for 'due to the fact that' is:
  1. Aand
  2. Bbecause
  3. Calthough
  4. Dtherefore

Answer: because

'Because' says the same thing in one word. Padded connectives are the first thing to cut.

3.Which sentence has a dangling modifier?
  1. AWalking to school, Maya saw the accident.
  2. BWalking to school, the accident happened in front of Maya.
  3. CMaya saw the accident while walking to school.
  4. DWhile Maya was walking to school, she saw the accident.

Answer: Walking to school, the accident happened in front of Maya.

In option B, 'Walking to school' has nothing sensible to modify: the accident was not walking. The subject after the comma must be the one doing the action.

4.Which is the clearest version?
  1. AIt is important to note that the results were affected by the weather.
  2. BThe weather affected the results.
  3. CThe results were affected, it should be noted, by the weather.
  4. DThere were results that the weather had an effect on.

Answer: The weather affected the results.

Option B names the actor (the weather), uses an active verb and drops the empty opener. Five words instead of thirteen.

Part B — Rewrite

Rewrite each sentence so it is clear and as short as possible without losing meaning.

5.Cut the redundancy: 'In my personal opinion, the two groups should collaborate together on the final end product.'

Answer: In my opinion, the two groups should collaborate on the final product. (Cut 'personal', 'together' and 'end'.)

6.Remove the padding: 'At this point in time, there is a need for the committee to make a decision regarding the matter of the budget.'

Answer: The committee now needs to decide on the budget. (or: The committee must now decide the budget.)

7.Fix the dangling modifier: 'Having finished the exam, the room suddenly felt very quiet.'

Answer: Having finished the exam, I noticed how quiet the room had become. (or: After I finished the exam, the room suddenly felt very quiet.)

8.Change to active voice and cut words: 'The decision to cancel the excursion was made by the principal after consideration had been given to the weather forecast.'

Answer: After considering the weather forecast, the principal cancelled the excursion.

9.Simplify: 'The reason why the experiment failed was because the samples were contaminated.'

Answer: The experiment failed because the samples were contaminated. ('The reason why ... was because' says 'because' twice.)

10.Tighten: 'There are many students who find that they are not able to concentrate in the afternoon period.'

Answer: Many students cannot concentrate in the afternoon.

Part C — One word instead of four

Write the single word (or short phrase) that replaces each wordy expression.

11.in the event that →

Answer: if

One word does the job of four.

12.has the ability to →

Answer: can

Modal verbs are shorter than noun phrases built around 'ability'.

13.a large number of →

Answer: many

'Many' (or 'most', if that is what you mean) is precise and short.

14.in spite of the fact that →

Answer: although (or: despite)

'Although' introduces a clause; 'despite' introduces a noun phrase. Either is far shorter.

Part D — Edit to a word limit

15.Edit this paragraph (82 words) down to 45 words or fewer without losing any essential information. Count your words. 'It is widely believed by many people that students who are in Year 10 are not able to manage their time in an effective way. However, in actual fact, the majority of students are able to meet their deadlines when they are given clear instructions about what is expected. In my opinion, I think that the real problem is not time management but rather the fact that teachers from different subjects often set assessments that are all due in the same week.'

Model answer: Many people believe Year 10 students cannot manage their time. In fact, most meet deadlines when expectations are clear. The real problem is not time management but teachers from different subjects setting assessments due in the same week. (38 words)

Success criteria:

  • 45 words or fewer
  • All three ideas retained: the common belief, the counter-claim, the real cause
  • Padding removed (it is widely believed, in actual fact, in my opinion I think, the fact that)
  • Active, precise verbs
  • Sentences remain grammatically complete and correctly punctuated
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Marking tips

  • Give credit for correct method even when the final answer slips — the working shows where the thinking went right.
  • For open-ended tasks, use the success criteria as a checklist rather than looking for one "right" answer.
  • Celebrate what went well first, then pick one thing to work on next.