Answer: "Belonging can also be about family and culture and also about places." It introduces new ideas that are not developed and break the focus on the school experience. It should be cut or developed in a separate paragraph.

Answer: They are vague and repetitive and say nothing specific. The writer could begin with the experience itself (for example, the image of sitting alone at lunch) or with a more thoughtful, specific idea about belonging.

Answer: "it was really hard and I felt like I didn't belong at all". It could be shown through specific detail, for example: eating lunch on the same bench by the library each day, pretending to read so no one would notice I was alone.

Answer: Why or how the writer joined, and what the moment of connection felt like: a specific scene, conversation or sensory detail that shows belonging beginning, rather than just stating it.

Answer: Any three: very, really, in my opinion / I think that (one is redundant), so in conclusion, also (repeated), a very important thing in life.

Model answer: For the first five weeks at my new school, I ate lunch on the same bench beside the library, a book open on my knees that I was not really reading. I had arrived halfway through the year, when every friendship group seemed already finished, sealed like a jar. I told myself I preferred the quiet. Then, one afternoon, a girl from my science class stopped in front of the bench and asked whether I could sing. The choir was short of altos, she said, and they were desperate. I went along mostly because I could not think of a reason to say no. That first rehearsal, standing between two strangers and trying to find the harmony, I lost my place three times. Each time, the girl beside me pointed to the line in the music without a word. By the end of the year, I no longer needed to be shown where we were. Belonging, I have come to think, is not something you find; it is something other people quietly make room for.

Model answer: The most important change was replacing the general opening with a specific image of eating alone on the bench, which draws the reader into the experience and lets them feel the isolation rather than being told about it. I also developed the turning point into a short scene with dialogue and a gesture (the girl pointing to the line in the music), so that belonging is shown as something that happens gradually between people. Cutting the sentence about family and culture made the paragraph more focused. Finally, ending with a reflective idea instead of "So in conclusion" leaves the reader with an insight rather than a repetition.